It’s clear to those who know me or no anything of the world that this is the power of RENT. It closed and had its final performance on Broadway in September. It seems like a long time ago but it is still fresh in my mind. It was the end of an era and the end of  Jonathan Larson’s dream. It never truly ended though, it lives on in the hearts of all of us out there who were touched by this production. It changed my life. It saved my life… I wouldn’t be here today if it wasn’t for RENT.

My life had hit a bad patch. I hated who and what I was and nothing could pull me from the depths of my depression. I was so good at playing the role of happy straight Bobby living in Sunshineland were nothing ever went wrong and there was only goodness. Deep down inside me though the darkness swelled slowly eating away on my heart, my body, my soul. I felt empty inside as if nothing could ever make me feel good or happy. Nothing could fill that gap. I decided I need something new and different to experience in my life. I turned to music.. but not the hand me down shit I was being fed from my brother for years. I needed something that was all my own, free from my family and societal pressures and norms. That music showed up in the form of musical theatre cast recordings. I searched for days and weeks to find that one song, that one singer, that one piece of work that could pull me up even just a little into the light. Here enters Seasons of Love. Not my favorite song by any means now but at the time an inspirational piece of beauty. Hope was somehow rekindled within me. I hogged the computer and searched endlessly to find all the songs of the original cast recording and fell in love with the music and the lyrics. They empowered me and showed me that I need to quit wallowing in self-pity and life my day is if it was my last. There’s no day but today. No moment but now.

I can’t say what happened from that moment. I became obsessed. Searching out other pieces of musical theatre that touched me in someway. Parade by Jason Robert Brown. Aida by Elton John and Tim Rice. Wicked. In the Heights. Jekyll & Hyde by Frank Wildhorn. The list is endless and I could name things off for hours and speak to you in senseless facts about who played this, what this character was saying with this line, etc. I came back to the world with a passion. Something to keep me going through the hard times. A love I wanted to share with the world… and with just one person.

Though this show has closed and been closed for months now its impact on my life is immeasurable. It started my craze for creativity and exploring the mind and the heart through song and storytelling. I am who I am today because of RENT and musical theatre. Thank you Jonathan Larson for saving my life and shaping who I am today.

“Jenny come home please. mom’s cooled downed and I’m all alone.”

The words snapped her back into reality as a young boy of about twelve stood before her. He had a striking resemblance to her from hair color, facial structure all the way down to the green ring of color around their pupils.

“Alright buddy let’s go home then.”

Jen slowly pushed herself up, a little stiff from the hard concrete, and took one last look around. she looked down at her brother as he wrapped his arms snugly around her waist.

“I love you Jenny.” he said with a shy smile as he squeezed her tighter. “I never wanna lose you so please stop running.”

Jen fell to her knees and wrapped her own arms around him pulling them close together.

“You don’t have to worry. I’ll always be there for you Mark. Always.”

A single tear slowly fell down her face as she looked into her brother’s eye.

In the coming days I would like to add the “daily creative writing” segment in the wonderful world that is chaotic, unconnected thoughts. The segment will follow myself and bookwhisper (hopefully) as we write unedited and raw for ten minutes each day. I will post the final piece on here each day with no further tweaking or editing allowed that can be read, critiqued, commented on, etc by the loyal readers out there. Hopefully we can both use the positive comments to improve on our writing and continue providing quality pieces to you as often as we are able. In the future I hope to add more writers and avid bloggers into the mix to form a collaborative writing community that will propel this blog to the next level. Maybe a lofty goal but we will see what can come off this in the future.

Anyways that is all for now but I will be back in the near future no worries.

Slowly fading into the light

Feeling and warmth return

Like the sun shining brightly above me

I stumble around

Trying to find my center

One step at a time

As if walking for the first time

Looking around I see faces,

Nameless happy bright faces

I reach for them

Seeing friends and family

Each wrapping their warmth around me

Muttering “everything will be okay”

I absorb it, store it inside me

Letting it warm my soul

The light returns and I’m not afraid

Not sad anymore

The sorrow has passed..

Then a beacon is lit and the light shines bright around us. One defender, one institution brings us hope for a better world. Slowly the light spreads out around the land, trying to sway the minds of the haters and the enemy. We relish in this moment of reprieve knowing that it will not last. The fighting will begin again and we will be back in the thick of things fighting for our beliefs. Fighting for our well being. Fighting for our lives.

The battle rages again and I hold on to that false hope of a better world for us all. I gladly give my life in service to the cause even knowing that nothing may ever come of it. Day after day fighting just to be myself.

Being in the library is another story in its own right but I wont get into the gory details of that today. I really wanted to sit down today and type up this poem or.. thing that I wrote the first week up at school and really liked how it turned out. I’m working on the format of it and trying to bring everything together because I want it to be as polished as I can make it before I show you all.

On another side note, I’ve been continuing to work on Dramedy these past few days and have been writing up random scenes here and there. The future of the project is uncertain but at this point in time it could either become the web series that I want it to me, or a book/novel because both of these ideas have great potential. I was working on it some in the library one Tuesday and as the scene was progressing I kept seeing the project as a book where each chapter is a different characters story or their perspective on what’s going on. I think it would give the book a different voice each time but will be still connected to the “main” voice and keeping the plot progressing.

Any thoughts or ideas on that idea..? For now I’m gonna go back upstairs away from the computers and continue working on it for a lil before class and test times soon. Hope everyone is having a productive semester and that things are going good. Enjoy and hope to talk to you again soon.

So in spite of all of that I’ve begun working on another project now that is gonna take center stage. Due to this the blog and some of my other projects may be put on hold or put on the back burner and not update as often for awhile. Once I get settled into this project I may have time to come back and update here and give you all the details, but we shall see what happens in the end.

For now I just wanted to throw this out there for you all and let you know I’m still alive even though I’m swamped in so many ways.

Each world reacts differently and uniquely. Reading leads me to observe and watch as a tale unfolds before me full of love, drama and intrigue. Games put me in the action, fighting for my life against hordes of monsters and enemies armed with any weapon I can imagine or the powers of nature and the gods within me. Music has me doing the telling of story as the notes and lyrics flow and pulse through me and open my imagination wide. I become so far gone within my own thoughts and imagination, it’s hard to to pull myself away from it and return to reality. Sometimes I don’t want to return, I think everyone feels like that sometimes. The real world hurts, it causes us stress and just brings us down sometimes. We need something to take us away from our problems, if only for even a moment.

There’s so many ways to escape reality and each person has their own. Photography, family, movies, writing, just anything you can think of and love. From my escapes comes my best writing and my most philosophical thoughts. That’s why today’s journey is an escape from reality. I challenge everyone to shut out the things that are bothering them and spend just one day doing something that you love and tell me how you feel afterwards. Nothing may have really changed around you, but you have. This relief you get can make it so you have a new perspective on the things that were bothering you and then have a new attitude on dealing with them head on. It’ll help even if you don’t realize it, I can promise anyone that. So, will you accept my challenge..?

So while going down this road of life I spent a day at a hmmm.. a “cooking camp” we’ll call it, as my first stop along the way. I took a recipe I found online and saw on the Food Network on how to make crepes which I’ve heard many times over are extremely challenging to make even though the recipe is so simple. With recipe in hand, I got my best cookware and utensils out and went to work experimenting and trying to make crepes. From that moment on the recipe and concept became all mine. I looked through my fridge trying to find anything I could put into a crepe and make into a nice desert breakfast course and found a big bag of apples. I took one out and cut it up and cooked them in some oil, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar until they cooked up nicely as the filling of my crepe. I put them all together and drizzled some Hershey’s Chocolate syrup over them and topped it off with with a bit of whipped cream.

The final product was pretty amazing, at least I thought so. The apples were cooked just right to my liking and the crepes was something new to try out and experience for the first time. It was honestly nothing like I thought it would be, something was good and just unique about the texture and flavor of the crepes. It also inspired me to get back into experimenting and trying new things in the kitchen once again. Overall the pit stop was well worth it and a nice break from the road. I cleaned up the kitchen and got right back into the swing of things ready for whatever comes along next.

The final product: